I don't know how to stop it
Going to bed, tears streaming
Waking up, head throbbing
All day, stomach aching
I hate writing about this, absolutely hate myself for it. I'm not one to show feelings-ever and now, I look at myself in the mirror and wonder who that person is. Why does she look and feel so sad? Cover the lines and darkness with make-up, hide the fact that you're depressed-but they know. They should know. If they don't know then they don't know truly see her.
I don't want to write anymore, not because I fear no one is listening but because I'm disgusted with my approach-particularly because of the tense switches above. However, I think I just realized that for me "I" doesn't exist anymore. I see me, I see myself go through motions everyday but I don't believe that that is me. Right now, I need to figure out who I am, and where I went.
Today is the day I dread the most, the "Where is he?" questions and the "How are you two?" interrogations. Go ahead and pry, I'm done explaining what is wrong, what happened. The petty people who ask just for the sake of satisfying their own palate but have no intention of caring or realizing the damage it does. I perform actions that people don't understand, as outrageous and as controversial as they may seem I do have my reasons. No one understands though, and that is okay. I don't mind any more. Certain things are left unsaid, however some things are forced to be told in which case disaster ensues.
